OCS (Only Child Syndrome)
In this festive season of giving, it has become all too apparent to me that I lean towards certain selfish tendencies. And as we live in a society that enjoys psychological verbiage, I have coined a term for this tendency - Only Child Syndrome. You see, as an only child, and one that has lived alone most of her adult life, I see things quite differently. For example, it's 10:00 am - I need a coffee. I go running out the door of the office to the quaint corner coffee shop run by Communists (yes, real, live Communists!! How exciting ... don't ask me why they are running a capitalistic enterprise like a coffee shop...) - and I completely fail to ask anyone else in my office if they would like a coffee too. No, I don't even just fail to ask - it doesn't even go through my mind to ask!! That's OCS.
You see, for an only child, it's all about me, all of the time. It always has been and it always will be. And when I do think of other people, it's usually in terms of how I can get them to like me. Only children have a desperate need to be liked. For the most part, our parents have liked us to distraction. Therefore, that should also be the way it is out in the big, wide world. So we tend to be people pleasers, only in order to please people enough to like us. Get it?
This has its upside for others around us. Sometimes, we're awful nice to you. See above. Also, because it is always all about us, if something goes wrong, well then, that would be our fault too. You see, as kids, if a vase ended up mysteriously broken, there was no one else to blame (well, I tried to blame my grandmother who lived with us, but that backfired ...). So we're often the ones to step up, put our hand up and take the blame. Even if we had nothing to do with the project. So you see, we can really be very useful.
Beginning to like me yet?
You see the cycle here.
In this festive season of giving, it has become all too apparent to me that I lean towards certain selfish tendencies. And as we live in a society that enjoys psychological verbiage, I have coined a term for this tendency - Only Child Syndrome. You see, as an only child, and one that has lived alone most of her adult life, I see things quite differently. For example, it's 10:00 am - I need a coffee. I go running out the door of the office to the quaint corner coffee shop run by Communists (yes, real, live Communists!! How exciting ... don't ask me why they are running a capitalistic enterprise like a coffee shop...) - and I completely fail to ask anyone else in my office if they would like a coffee too. No, I don't even just fail to ask - it doesn't even go through my mind to ask!! That's OCS.
You see, for an only child, it's all about me, all of the time. It always has been and it always will be. And when I do think of other people, it's usually in terms of how I can get them to like me. Only children have a desperate need to be liked. For the most part, our parents have liked us to distraction. Therefore, that should also be the way it is out in the big, wide world. So we tend to be people pleasers, only in order to please people enough to like us. Get it?
This has its upside for others around us. Sometimes, we're awful nice to you. See above. Also, because it is always all about us, if something goes wrong, well then, that would be our fault too. You see, as kids, if a vase ended up mysteriously broken, there was no one else to blame (well, I tried to blame my grandmother who lived with us, but that backfired ...). So we're often the ones to step up, put our hand up and take the blame. Even if we had nothing to do with the project. So you see, we can really be very useful.
Beginning to like me yet?
You see the cycle here.
Comments
I wonder how I managed to end up with a fairly dogged case of OCS myself when I have an older sister. Um...oh right, MEGAN! I knew I would find it eventually.
Bast, Brilliant Blog! Hilarious too. I share many of your traits despite having to fight my way past a horde of siblings to even get noticed, forget being liked. I'm the one they rhyme off last when they're trying to yell at you "George! Sally! Tom! Aaagh! -- YOU! get over here!" I think I became quite self-centred just because no one ELSE was going to do it!
And, Zouzou, while your question was most assuredly of a rhetorical nature, I shall endeavour none the less to answer it.
Reason the first...I am clever
Reason the second...I am brilliant
Reason the third...I am a ninja
and also
Reason the fourth...I am Nikola Tesla who, as we all know, was a time traveller and a bit of a gadabout
Cheers!
Oh look... all about me. Hhhmm... and I am "3 of 4"... Well, I was the youngest until 6 years ago... Then we found the 4th and my status changed. I suppose that was supposed to have messed up my head... but didn't.
Bast, what can I say? We love you - OCS and all. ;-)
Feliz Navidad!
As for "people pleaser", I think there must be something other, or in addition to OCS that causes PP to be. I, too am a people pleaser. I enjoy the warmth that comes back to me knowing I've done or said something that's made a difference. Getting coffee for the folks at the office would be a wonderful gesture that I would leap at the chance to execute, had I anyone in the office to get coffee FOR. Usually it comes down to dropping an extra coin or two into the tip can at the coffee counter to show my appreciation to someone who works hard for their dollars.
I have a friend who is an only child and exhibits many of the traits you've mentioned. Your comment "You see, for an only child, it's all about me, all of the time." sums up J. as I knew her when we first met. She was very much attached to her job, but not "career motivated" and she was a little rough around the edges socially. She knew the "social textbook", but had a difficult time connecting with people. From where I stood, she seemed not to "get it" where "give and take" was concerned. Keeping in mind, I met J. almost 10 years ago and since then she seems to have mellowed some.
Another thought: my oldest niece is the MIDDLE child of 3. I used to think that whole "the younger one gets the attention, the older one gets the privlidges, the middle one gets forgotten" was bunk until I witnessed N. first hand. She's the quiet one who will simply do her own thing in her own space - very easy not to notice with an over-ambitious older brother and an attention-grabbing younger sister. Yet, I feel drawn to her... ponderous.
BTW... where is this coffee shop run by communists? As for your question, I think even Communists need to make a living... after all, no eat, pretty soon die.