Limitations

I've been thinking a lot about my limitations lately. Probably shouldn't be thinking of negative things, but some things in my life lately have put other things into perspective.

I'm my own boss. I really like being my own boss. But my past three gigs have not really lived up to expectations, whatever they were. I suppose it's better said that I haven't enjoyed them. Thought I would - but I haven't. For various reasons, and because of various limitations. But it got me thinking on what I would enjoy doing.

Therein lies the problem. Not sure. Really enjoy pottering around the apartment. But how can I get paid to do that?? Maybe I just need a real, honest to goodness vacation. Haven't had one for years. I usually go away with my parents, but let's be honest - that's not really a vacation. And sure, I was in Spain recently. But believe me, that was hard work.

If the universe has been showing me what I don't like, perhaps it's decided on a process of elimination. Maybe I should smorgasbord my life until something comes clear. Risky strategy that. Could be a the buffet table all my life. But maybe that's what life is about. Would I be any happier at a 9-5 desk job? Maybe, if I loved it.

I feel as if I blogged along similar lines before. Ah well, blogging is ranting and public journaling after all.

This time, I don't think I'll suck it up, princess.

This time I need to work it out and get some clarity.

Comments

Turtle Guy said…
You sound discontented, a little disheartened.

I've been self-employed for ages and the "good gigs" come along just as the "bad gigs" do. It's hard to remember the good ones when you get a number of bad ones in succession. However, when you play out the long-term, you really have to ask yourself,

"Would I have it any other way?"

I was remarking to a friend over coffee the other day that even though I may not get regular or lengthy vacations, being self employed provides other benefits such as the ability to take a coffee break when-the-hell-ever and to work a longer or shorter day, within reason, on a whim. The trade off? Ultimately we're responsible - wholey - for our ways and means. You slack, you pay... you work hard, you reap.

I know this is a long response, but one more point:

I was raised in a Christian environment and have in recent years paid more attention to Taoism and Buddhist philosophy. Focusing on one's own inner well-being is paramount - contrary to much of Western thinking.

Perhaps you are due that well-earned vacation, and perhaps the time away is more important than how much you spend to get there or where the "there" is.

Oh, and one more thing...

"Really enjoy pottering around the apartment."

I'll be "pottering" tonight at pottery class... I'll be thinking of you! (tee hee)

Popular Posts